Graduation From The College Of Solitude
Perhaps for the rest of my life, the beginning of Spring and the start of March will instill a touch of thoughtful melancholy in me. March 13th will mark 4 years since the world shut down in 2020, or at least since New York City did. Perhaps because I am currently teaching at the collegiate level, the unit of 4 years feels particularly resonant right now. The following is a poetic musing on the journey, with some accompanying artwork I produced at the time. I’ve decided to open this post up to public viewing, in celebration and solidarity with all of our graduations from the last 4 years.
March 13th, 2020 - March 13th, 2021: Freshman Year
Having found yourself suddenly matriculated, you are suspended in a state of fear. Building skill sets and coping mechanisms for this new life, every day presents new orientations. It’s exhausting but you don't have any other choice but to push through. There's no going home or returning to normal, you have to swallow the pill of this new chapter's beginning and make the best of it that you can. There's a lot of crying. There’s a lot of new routines to develop. Every now and then you catch a glimpse of delight, your introductory classes in Silence and Being Alone are easier than you expected. Mostly you’re focused on getting your bearings as the floor seems to drop from beneath you again and again, day after day.
March 13th, 2021 - March 13th, 2022: Sophomore Year
It’s the year you do everything again for the first time. Repetition has its benefits, and you have some new tools in your hands (and in your arm) but on the whole, as a class, you get cocky. By the end of the year you're making mistakes. Big mistakes. Historically unprecedented infection rate mistakes. You learn a letter in Greek you’ve never really heard before. You struggle with growing up - not ready to move on in the way others seem to be. You think you might major in Seclusion, with a minor in Quiet.
March 13th, 2022 - March 13th, 2023: Junior Year
An upperclassman, you start to look for coursework outside of your major. You’re no longer convinced you’ve chosen the right path, so you start to take electives. But you’re finding it hard to leave your dorm, struggling to go out at night, even when allowed. You are unsure about everything, have no idea what the answers are, or even the right questions to ask. Whose recommendations are truthful, who can advise you on best practices? Fear and longing compete on rival teams in your heart. You take up extracurriculars in Mask Arguments and Vaccine Efficacy.
March 13, 2023 - Present Day: Senior Year
You’re supposed to be ready to close this chapter but it feels like the time both blinked away and stretched itself far beyond its length. You’re unsure about your theses, your majors and minors, perhaps a little bored with them, and you wonder if you did the right things. As graduation looms on the 13th, did you use the time to its fullest? Did you gain the insights floating in the ether of collective trauma? You’re not sure if you feel fully fortified. New roads stretch forward into an unclear horizon. There’s no telling what type of education lies ahead, but you’re aching to fly…
